if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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