So drunk its hurt
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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