I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
