I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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