Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
