I wish I could punch you in the face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
