And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
