You work out of a Hotel?
i just had sex bonerless
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize