Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
