i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
