just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two words: blizzard sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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