What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
