I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
