Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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