Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
