i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
