Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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