D3 body, D1 cock
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
