I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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