I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
