I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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