all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
His nipple licking is glorious
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