his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
