I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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