Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
