your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
