fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
