why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
