one two three fourrrrnication!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
