What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
