Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
