My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
