I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
