while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
