Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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