I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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