Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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