he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize