Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
