honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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