Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
