He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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