It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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