Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
