Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
