the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
