is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize