i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
