He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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