i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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