This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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