So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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