so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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