There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
