you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it's like heaven, but drunker
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
