yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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