Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
