Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
