I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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