your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
