Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
