yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
