Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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