Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
