paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
