Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
