Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
