Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
