Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just gift wrapped bread.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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