everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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