I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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