shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
