Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
